on love

I don't have this figured out. I want to say that first, because most things written about love read like they come from somebody who already solved it, and I haven't. What follows is closer to notes than conclusions.

The idea that actually rearranged how I think about this came from an old Indian teacher named Ramana Maharshi. He spent most of his life pointing people back to one question: who is it that is doing the loving? Not the version of you on paper, the job, the mood, the résumé of a personality. The part of you that was already there before any of that showed up.

He put it more plainly than I ever could. "The end of all wisdom is love, love, love." Not knowledge stacked on knowledge. Not winning the argument about who is right. Just that, at the end of it, in front of it.

What I think he was pointing at is this: the part of you that loves and the part of you that gets loved back aren't as separate as they seem once you're quiet enough to notice. That sounds abstract until you actually love someone and realize you feel more like yourself around them, not less. The good ones don't complete you. They reveal you.

I'm suspicious of love that only shows up when things are easy. Feeling is not the hard part. Feeling comes cheap, it shows up on its own, on good mornings, on the right song, on a face you like looking at. What's rare is the version of it that's still there on the days feeling doesn't cooperate. Steadiness is worth more than intensity. Almost always.

So here's my working definition, subject to revision as I understand more of this. Love is mostly made of small, undramatic decisions repeated on purpose. Choosing honesty on the day a lie would go down easier. Showing up on the day you have nothing left to give, and giving anyway. Nobody claps for that. It's the whole job.

None of this makes losing someone hurt less. People still leave, plans still fall apart, and some part of you still wants credit for the good you did while they were there. Maharshi would probably say that's the ego talking, the part that wants an audience. Real love doesn't need to be witnessed to have been real.

not finished.